Sunday, November 9, 2008

Monk-ees battle at holy site in Jerusalem


The Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem is said by some to be built over what was the tomb of Jesus Christ (it is also claimed to be the very spot where Jesus was crucified and resurrected.)

Unfortunately, in spite of pious protestations to the contrary, there is absolutely no evidence for those claims. Come to think of it, there's no evidence for Jesus as an historical person, either. But people still kill each other in his name.

So, it isn't surprising that the wars of the Holy Sepulchre continue, as Christians have been battling each other for hundreds of years over custody of this so-called "holy" site.

Today, six Christian sects are "custodians" of the site: The big three, with most of the responsibility, are the Greek Orthodox, Armenian Apostolic, and Roman Catholic. Three other sects have lesser responsibilities: Coptic Orthodox, Ethiopian Orthodox, and the Syriac Orthodox.

There are many legends about the site, but one of the most interesting has to do with the Emporer Constantine's mother, Helena. In the fourth century she traveled to Jerusalem and lo, and behold, she found the cross upon Jesus was crucified. Actually, she found three of them, which presented a huge problem. How to tell which was THE one? But Helena was creative. Her retinue brought a sick man to touch all three of the crosses. When he touched Jesus' cross, he was healed! It's a miracle!


Today the Christian custodians of The Church of the Holy Sepulchre continue the tradition of fighting amongst each other, just like Jesus taught in the Gospels. You remember where he said, "If your brother offends you, beat the shit out of him! Amen." (Matthew 35:1 - Extended Version]

So, when some Amenian monks were processing to commemorate the 4th century discovery of the "true" cross, Greek monks took offense and told them to stop. The Amenians refused. A pitched battle ensued. The Israeli police were called to break it up.

No one was seriously hurt - just a few bloody gashes and scratches - but the coppers arrested two Armenians and two Greeks.


While the press has sent e-mail and telephone prayer requests asking for clarification and comment to both God and Jesus, neither has responded as yet. The monks have retired to their cells to study further the Word of God to find additional justification to commit violence upon one another.


For additional information on the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, click here.

5 comments:

ridosan said...

The book of Matthew has 28 chapters. Please explain where you found chapter 35.

Jacob said...

Ridosan: That's the trouble with you literalists; you completely miss the satire. Of course there's no chapter 35!

Jacob

Bob Poris said...

It seems to me that many people quote incorrect information re the Bible, the Gospels, Jesus, etc. They believe the ignorant or the malicious preachers, publicists, etc. without checking out what they accept. Every time I ask for the location within whatever Bible they are quoting, I do not get a response. Leviticus has many “abominations”, but many that are quoted do not appear anywhere. Leviticus is in the Old Testament and Jesus read the same injunctions. He has been quoted but no one ever wrote down what he said at the time he was supposed to have said whatever some claim. He objected to the powers the priests assumed. If He returns He will find much to object to again.

Anonymous said...

Jacob, you refer to Christians as christianists, or fundamentalist christianists. Why don't you just call us what we are, Christians? Just curious.

Jacob said...

@ Anon - Well, there are Christians and then there are christianists. Christians are those who really try to follow some of the things reportedly said by the Jesus of the Gospels.

Christianists are fundamentalists - bible worshippers who don't have a clue what the bible is all about but believe they hold the truth in their grubby little hands, all the while denying goodness, mercy and justice.

Fundamentalism is a relatively new cult, which started in this country in the early 20th century.

Unfortunately, today the christianist fundies have infiltrated and are in the process of destroying our society and our godless government by pretending we are a "christian" nation, rewriting history, and trying to establish a theocracy.

So, "Christian" means many things. It usually has nothing to do with anything good; rather it has to do with a horrible god and a horrible theology that requires some monster deity to kill his "son" which is himself, in order to absolve people from their "sin," which is described as disobedience to this monster.

Fundies actually believe all this crap. (None of which, by the way, Jesus preached!!!!).

So, fundies are not Christians. Fundies are christianists who follow some of the teachings of the wacko, Paul. One of the things they really like is they'll be saved and go up to heaven forever if they just believe the right things.

Think about that. You accept Jesus as your "savior" and you'll live forever in heaven. Do not accept Jesus as your savior and you'll burn in hell forever. No matter what kind of person you were in your lifetime.

What kind of monster god would ever come up with such an immoral, unethical, horrible arrangement?

What kind of a monster god would subject his creatures to eternal fire?

Christianists have some downright insane beliefs! All based on their "interpretation" of the 66 books they call they Bible, but most of them have no clue as to what is in those books and what that material really means.

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