Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Christians are full of bull - on Wall Street

The Lord [Jesus] spoke to Cindy Jacobs during a church service. The Lord [Jesus] said: "Cindy, the strongman over America doesn't live in Washington, DC - the strongman lives in New York City! Call My people to pray for the economy."

Now when "the Lord" talks to you and tells you to do something, you sure as hell better do it! So, Cindy called "His" people "to converge on New York City the week of October 29 for an emergency prayer rally to cry out against economic collapse ... "

Oh, the Lord also told her that "October 29 was Black Tuesday, the day the stock market crashed and Satan wants to do it again."

Cindy, no slacker, cried out, "we need to P.U.S.H. (pray until something happens to avert financial judgment."

Why would god send financial judgment on his favorite people, the United States Americans? "[B]ecause" said Cindy, " ... not only for our stance towards Israel, but our blatant sin against Him in passing laws such as the one allowing homosexual marriage."

But it's not just Amurricans who have to worry. The Lord is sending his judgment on "the ideologies of nations. He is moving to put the fear of the Lord not only on His church, but upon the nations of the world."

Whew! That IS scary!

Not to worry. Cindy had an answer, a way out of the mess: "We are going to intercede at the site of the statute of the bull on Wall Street to ask God to begin a shift from the bull and bear markets to what we feel will be the 'Lion's Market,' or God's control over the economic systems."

She gets crazier: "While we do not have the full revelation of all this will entail, we do know that without intercession, economies will crumble."

So, these freaks went to the site of the bull and prayed for money.

Evidently, they don't bother actually reading the Bible they claim to revere. I'd suggest they gather at the site of a ass and have do a study on Mark 10:17-22. Methinks they might think twice about praying for money in front of a bull; actually, they might think twice about praying for money at all!

Now I know "good" Christians don't believe that the Law, which Jesus, the Jewish peasant, said he had come to fulfill and must be obeyed, applies to them; but they still go the Hebrew Bible to pull out select verses when they want to castigate some poor sinner, like a gay person.

Perhaps they should read more than one verse calling homosexuality an abomination. They would find that praying to a bull for money is right up at the top of the list of No-No's that God gave Moses - something about graven images, as I recall. Plus, there's a story in Exodus 32 which tells what happened to the Israelites when they collected all their gold and fashioned a "molten" calf. It wasn't pretty:

God told Moses his people were "a stiffnecked people." But more than that, in the scathing words of the KJV, God said, "Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them..."


Cindy Jacobs and her idolatrous cretins that followed her to pray before the bull better make tracks for some safe place, 'cause god is gonna get 'em! The bible says so!

Jesus Cristos! What a bunch of morons!

Did I hear a heavenly "bullshit!"?

h/t to Wonkette and Pharyngula

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Now let me see. Jews have been waiting and praying for their Messiah to come for over five centuries. Christians have done the same but they have been waiting for the return of their Messiah for over 2000 years. How long and how many prayers will it take? Is there a number or do they all just keep praying and waiting? In the meantime, what should people do differently than those that do follow their interpretation of God’s words? Who decides which the right words are and which language is closest to the truth? What about all the other religions on earth? Which of them might be the real words of God?
How do we know who to believe? Do we go to the TV Evangelist with the largest audience; the most money; the loudest voice; the sexiest wife; the least arrests for some vice or another; etc?
It is hard to follow the teachings of simple men of great faith from the Bible stories. It would have been better if God had left a written record that could be verified, but He didn’t.
What did Americans do before technology came into the picture?
Bob Poris

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