Wednesday, October 15, 2008

John McCain's gonna do WHAT to Obama?

[Photo by Scott Olson/Getty images]

When ol' John heard that his campaign people and other Repugnican friends are afraid that Obama is beating the crap out of him, he stood up short and stern and told them in no uncertain terms that at tonight's debate, he, the POW, John McCain, war hero, was gonna "whup his .... - you know what!"

The word, by the way, is "ass." John McCain promised to whup Obama's ass!

Yessiree. Down by 14 points. Whup, whup, whup.

We can't predict, of course, whether or not McSame is gonna whup Obama's ass. We can guess, however, what he's gonna say during the debate. Here's a pre-debate summary of John McCain's remarks:

"My friends..."

"Senator Obama's going to raise your taxes."

"Senator Obama lied about his friendship with a domestic terrorist."

"The point is...what is the point again?"

"My friends..."

"I know how to reach across the aisle."

"I know how to get things done."

"Obama's economic plan will cost us over $3 trillion."

"My friends..."

"I have an economic plan."

"I know how to get things done."

"I know how to reach across the aisle."

"My friends..."

"When I was a POW..."

"I don't like to talk about my POW experience..."

"Senator Obama's the most liberal member of the Senate."

"My friends..."

"What time is it?"

"Who's Bob Schieffer?"

"I think I should go now."

"My friends..."

"The point is..."

"I know generals and dictators all over the world..."

"Obama would rather be president than win in Iraq."

"My friends...the point is..."

"I know how to win the war."

"I will get bin Laden."

"I know where bin Laden is hiding. I think in Spain."

"My friends...where is Spain?"

"Thank you, Bob, for allowing me to present my wonderfully detailed proposals for ending the financial crisis, making health care affordable, winding down our military action in Iraq, dismantling Bush's imperial presidency, bringing down the cost of drugs, securing the safety of our nation without giving up our freedoms, solving our energy ... what?

"Why are you raising your hand, Bob? I'm talking! Oh, you didn't hear any of that in the debate?

"Well, Bob, my point is...wait just a minute I need to say one more thing to the folks gathered here tonight...

"My friends, my name is John McCain and I'm running for president and I've chosen a hockey mom to be my vice president and she doesn't know anything about anything but she sure is a hot babe and I've always liked hot babes, and I'd like your vote. If you can't vote for me, vote for remember - like Clint Eastwood in 'Two Mules for Sister Sarah' -- ha, ha, ha, ha.

"The point is...oops, damn it all, the point slipped my mind...

"G'nite, ev'ryone. No, I can't stick around to shake hands. "That one" is still here, ya know."

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