God created man with a shirt

In the beginning, God created man and put on him a Brooks Brothers shirt. God looked at the man, and liked what She saw, but thought his manliness was too much in evidence, so she ordered a pair of khakis from The Gap.

God thought the man was looking really good, but something was missing and that's when She decided he would definitely need a wo-man. So She created a decidedly feminine type person who She covered with a bra, panties, long skirt, and high-necked blouse. In those days, God was a rather modest deity.

God did not put shoes on either of them. Hells bells, they were living in a garden. Who needs shoes?


Many long years later, a somewhat wacko character named Joseph Smith claimed he found some golden tablets on which an angel had written some words. Smith translated these words and presto, there appeared the Book of Mormon.

From the Book of Mormon came the Mormon religion. Now the Mormon religion has lots of very strange beliefs, but insists that it is a real Christian religion. Most Christians say that's a bunch of hogwash and there's a lot of discussion back and forth about these religious and doctrinal issues.

Generally speaking Mormons love sex, and get married and have bunches of kids who all grow up and go on missionary tours (the men, not the girls). Some Mormon men love sex so much they take multiple wives, and have multitudinous children and live happily ever after in a hidden away valley in the desert out West where the law won't find them 'cause the law says a man can have only one wife.


Anyway, there's a Mormon man in Las Vegas. He works in the entertainment bizness. He had a great idea. As you may have read above, young Mormon men have to go on missionary tours someplace in the world for two years to try to get people to convert to their wacky beliefs.

This Las Vegas guy, Chad Hardy, decided to make a calender featuring twelve of the more "hunky" Mormon missionary men. So he had them take off the shirts, which they did, willingly (I mean these were hunks!) and each one posed topless--one for each month of the year.

It worked pretty damn well, too. He called it his "Men on a Mission" calendar and sold over 10,000 copies!


But...the Mormon "elders" (and boy are some of them "elderly!) got together and had a rant and decided this was wrong. I mean God created man with a shirt! So they hauled Hardy's ass before a inquisitional court (they called it a "disciplinary meeting") and chewed him up one side and down another and then threw him out of the Mormon religion. They called it "excommunication."

I don't feel the least bit sorry for Hardy. I mean the guy's 31 years old. He probably grew up in the Mormon religion and he should have known good and well that the Mormon elders wouldn't like showing off their missionaries with no shirts!

Maybe Hardy temporarily lost his mind - you know, living in Las Vegas and all where they've got women on stages all over town who not only don't wear shirts, they don't even wear bras and panties!

It's too bad, as it looks like Hardy won't be going to Mormon heaven. But I also think it is decidedly unfair. What happens to those hunky guys who took their shirts off? I mean, Hardy didn't make them expose themselves like that to the world? Shouldn't they get a worser punishment than Hardy?

Make them put their shirts on and visit every casino in Las Vegas! That'll show 'em!