Wednesday, February 11, 2009

God's got your back according to GOD TV

[Cartoon from here.]

If you are one of those folks living with relatives because you lost your house to foreclosure after you lost your job, then we've got good news for you. If you're one of those people who got fired from a long-time position and you can no longer pay the bills or buy groceries and are standing in a bread line at a Lutheran church in Florida, we've got good news for you, too.

God's got your back.

At least that's what GOD TV is preaching. Jeffrey Levinson of GOD TV wants you to know that "As budgets tighten, job security is threatened and the world continues to reel in the face of economic meltdown, GOD TV offers a powerful message of hope this month encouraging viewers to trust God more than ever before for their provision, tackle money problems head on and live free from fear."

Powerful message!

GOD TV is featuring those giants of financial wisdom, "Rory and Wendy Alec who interview global economist, Dr. Larry Bates on their series, 'Apocalypse and the End-Times.'" Dr. Bates, you should know, "is an international authority on financial markets." He's going to tell you how to "weather financial storms and keep [your] assets safe."

Hmmm. But I'm drowning and my ass is sinking, and I've got no assets.

Well, then, you need to hear this message of "hope" from Rory Alec:

"We are not governed by the world's economy, but by God's economy. Jehovah Jireh is still our provider and He will never fail us! The economic meltdown is not something that has caught God by surprise, and so I encourage viewers to tune in and watch our special financial programming because the Lord has a plan to see His peopole come through these difficult times."

Oh, yeah. Send money.

Sheesh. If God saw it coming and now plans to do something about it, why the hell didn't he do something to stop it in the first place? What's he gonna say to all those folks who committed suicide when they step up to his heavenly throne and ask what the hell he was thinking?

Maybe you ought to sacrifice a chicken instead.

h/t on cartoon here.


Anonymous said...

Hello Jacob,
The troubled times are all about building faith so that you can weather this storm. It is going to get worse. There has been battle between the light and dark since before time began. A battle. This means that for each time the light tried to overcome with a plan, the dark came up with a way to deceive and thwart the effort. so then the light had to come up with another way. The light, the unnameable Father of all, sent His only Son for us to believe in Him and if we do that, we will win this battle, no matter what happens to us here on this place called earth.
These times are not put upon us by "God"...they are put upon us by the evil one. The most merciful Parent wants all of us to come home and is trying desperately through sending His Son to us and putting Him to death on the cross. Why? To show you that the flesh is nothing and can be defeated. He showed us that so that we would know what would happen to us when we die, if- and only if-- we choose the light, the WAY through Jesus, the Son. We are all His children and He wishes for all of us to have eternal life. But you can't have it if you continue to think that someone we vote into office is going to save you. The answer is not found here on earth. It is found in Jesus.

Jacob said...

Oh, please! The troubled times are not about building faith. Faith is believing in something or someone that can be neither proved nor demonstrated to exist. Faith, in that sense, is a cop out.

But I guess you believe in a deity that is so weak a piddly-ass little satan guy can have his way with the world and your deity is helpless in the face of this monster!

Yup. And the way your deity is gonna save the world is kill his own son to soothe his injured ego...gotta have blood sacrifice, you know, or the gods get really pissed!

Have you ever really thought about how atrocious your theology really is?

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