The ungodly mission of GOD? TV

Every year, evidently on two occasions, GOD TV does something they call "Missions Week."

You can guess what that's all about. Yup. Converting all the pagans in heathen lands to fundymentalist Christianity! Ain't it wonderful?

Missions Week is hosted by none other than GOD TV founders, Rory and Wendy Alec (see photo)...and beginning March 17, Missions Week will provide you with numerous opportunities to empty your pockets into the pockets of the money-grubbing, phony religious charlatans that reside mostly on your TV sets when they're not flying about in their several private jet aircraft.

For example, for a whole week, you'll be treated to the imprecations of such hucksters as Benny Hinn, Rod Parsley, and Matthew Ashimolowo (whoever the hell that is!)...they're going to bring messages of inspiration -- they'll inspire you to fill their coffers once more so they can fly off to foreign lands and bring Jesus to the poor folks destined to spend eternity in hell because God loves them so much he gave his only begotten son, who was/is himself and the Holy Ghost, to die on a cross; but God cannot die so what really happened? Ah, 'tis a mystery for sure!

Africa is going to be one "focus" of Missions Week. Why Africa? There is probably no continent more soaked in religion than Africa, and as a result there is no continent more soaked in violence and blood! The last thing Africa needs is more religious folks spreading their own delusionary visions!


These GOD TV people are truly deluded. Here are a couple of examples:

"Missions Week is a time when the global GOD TV family comes together to extend the Kingdom of God to the nations - a time when millions are seeking God so that millions more will come to know Him..." Huh? What does that mean?

Whatever. Give your money and connect with GOD TV "as we reach out to transform lives." Hah! The only thing they're gonna transform is your pocketbook - from full to empty. I've heard Benny Hinn needs some new $2,000 suits and one of his jets is looking a bit shabby! And what can you say about John Hagee other than it takes a lot of money to keep him fed!

I know, I'm being snarky and nasty.

But GOD TV says that "The world is hurting, and it is only the Body of Christ who can offer any real hope. God has called us all as believers for this time and season and He has blessed and equipped us for His plans and purposes! And His plan is a plan to bring hope to the hopeless. Financial crisis around the world means an unprecedented opportunity for media evangelism."


Isn't that just something? Wow! God planned this whole damn crisis to "bring hope to the hopeless," so that GOD TV could have "an unprecedented opportunity for media evangelism.! Amazing!


What a bunch of garbage. Isn't it against the law to raise money under false pretenses? And I wonder if this nutty outfit is tax-exempt? Can't be, right?

God's got your back according to GOD TV

[Cartoon from here.]

If you are one of those folks living with relatives because you lost your house to foreclosure after you lost your job, then we've got good news for you. If you're one of those people who got fired from a long-time position and you can no longer pay the bills or buy groceries and are standing in a bread line at a Lutheran church in Florida, we've got good news for you, too.

God's got your back.

At least that's what GOD TV is preaching. Jeffrey Levinson of GOD TV wants you to know that "As budgets tighten, job security is threatened and the world continues to reel in the face of economic meltdown, GOD TV offers a powerful message of hope this month encouraging viewers to trust God more than ever before for their provision, tackle money problems head on and live free from fear."

Powerful message!

GOD TV is featuring those giants of financial wisdom, "Rory and Wendy Alec who interview global economist, Dr. Larry Bates on their series, 'Apocalypse and the End-Times.'" Dr. Bates, you should know, "is an international authority on financial markets." He's going to tell you how to "weather financial storms and keep [your] assets safe."

Hmmm. But I'm drowning and my ass is sinking, and I've got no assets.

Well, then, you need to hear this message of "hope" from Rory Alec:

"We are not governed by the world's economy, but by God's economy. Jehovah Jireh is still our provider and He will never fail us! The economic meltdown is not something that has caught God by surprise, and so I encourage viewers to tune in and watch our special financial programming because the Lord has a plan to see His peopole come through these difficult times."

Oh, yeah. Send money.


Sheesh. If God saw it coming and now plans to do something about it, why the hell didn't he do something to stop it in the first place? What's he gonna say to all those folks who committed suicide when they step up to his heavenly throne and ask what the hell he was thinking?

Maybe you ought to sacrifice a chicken instead.

h/t on cartoon here.

The end times on GOD TV

When fundamentalist christianists talk about the "end-times," they refer to perverted biblical interpretations of prophetic nonsense which they insist provide insight into what will happen at the end of the world.

It's all bullshit, but end-times "experts" make a hell of a lot of money picking the pockets of the foolish and naive.


If you've never heard of GOD TV, and need a real laugh, click here. It doesn't have anything to do with the biblical god, but it's hilarious to see what religious dickheads can come up with.

At the beginning of this month, GOD TV instituted a "special season of programming dealing with Bible prophecy and how it relates to current events."

Happy Holidays!

Oh, and the programming will include truly informative events such as "GOD TV founders Rory & Wendy Alec and End-Time experts" asking questions like:

* Are we really living in the Last Days of life, as we know it, on Planet Earth?

* Is the current economic meltdown setting the stage for a new global currency?

* Is there a secret elite at work behind the scenes to usher in a new world order?

* How is this linked to the much-anticipated return of Jesus Christ to the earth?"


Now, you've gotta admit that is terrific stuff! And GOD TV will bring out the "End-Time experts" to guide you through it. And I'll bet you'll find out that these are indeed, the "Last Days of Life," because somewhere in the Hebrew bible there's a passage that says, "Lo, you worms, the Last Days of Life will happen in 2008 just before Xmas; beware, be safe, use Trojans."

You'll also learn about the new global currency, also forecast in the Hebrew Bible, the use of which indicates the LAST DAYS ARE UPON US! Only Rory & Wendy Alec know about this verse: "Global currency is evil and tainted with corruption by the house of Nebuchadrezzar and Napoleon and lo, my man Madoff will relieve you of all cash so you are not tempted to enter the house of Neb and Nap. When that happens, look up into the sky where you will see a dollar bill burning and as it is devoured by the flames, it is replaced by the Euro. Run like hell and jump in a well, for the LAST DAYS ARE HERE!"

The secret elite I cannot tell you about. It's so secret, not even Rory and Wendy know the prophetic passage. It has to do with Bill Clinton though. And Caroline Kennedy. And maybe Pelosi. Definitely Hagee. Not Obama!

Now when you put all this together, it's immediately obvious it has to do with the "much-anticipated return of Jesus Christ to the Earth." Sort of. In the book of the Revelatory of Juanita, Chapter 7, verse 7, paragraph 7, beginning at the 7th word, it becomes clear: "The Apostle Paul spoke of Haysus coming all the way down from the 7th heaven to the first heaven. But I say to you, 'Lo, in the LAST DAYS, Haysus, aka Jesus, aka Joshua, aka Yeshua, will jump from the 1st heaven to the earth and upon landing will smash all EVILDOERS, like Bush and Cheney and all un-completed Jews, and liberal Xtians and non-believers, especially Sam Harris, and liberal bloggers like Ariana Huffington, and DistributorcapNY and Tommy Korioth and Jacob!'"

* * * *

Actually, GOD TV, in spite of its claims, is not connected to heaven, so you're not going to get the TRUTH as laid out above. Nah. And the month is almost gone, so you've missed out on a lot of good stuff already.

There were "riveting feature films, interview programs and extensive coverage from events such as the 25th International Prophecy Conference from Florida hosted by Dr Joe VanKoervering." You would have learned "How the Middle East Conflict is Preparing the World for the End-Times with Dr. Randall Price and you would have been given help in "Discerning the Signs of the Times' by Donald Perkins.

Isn't that exciting?

Rory and Wendy are hosting "a new End-Time series on Fridays at 8:30pm and Sundays at 9pm entitled 'Apocalypse and the End Times." I'd say skip it. Hell, they don't know nuttin. I've already given you everything you need to know.

Now the month may be almost over, but you still might be able to catch programs that deal with the Second Coming, the Rapture, the Illuminati, the antichrist, the mark of the beast, "as well as such issues as UFOs and Aliens, bird flue and the current economic meltdown."


What can I say? In the world of fundamentalist christianists, the morons rule! What's sad is they continue to pump out their unadulterated bullshit and millions of ignorant, frightened, needy and stupid people lap it up!


[The photo came from this site.]