Thanks to BSAlert for this one.
An ad at Craigslist offers to take care of your beloved pets when you are raptured into heaven by the Lord Jesus.
The ad begins by quoting a few verses from the New Testament -- Matthew 24:36 and 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17 -- which stress the fact that no one knows just when Jesus is coming back to reclaim his faithful believers (I was going to write "followers," but we know that for fundy Christians "right" belief is primary, and actions are secondary).
It's the passage from Thessalonians where many wingnuts get their "rapture" notions as it speaks of the Lord descending from heaven "with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God." Interestingly, however, it says the dead are gonna "rise first." Then all those who are still alive will be "caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air."
Whoop dee do! All those ashes and dust will certainly create more global warming, though!
For those folks who truly believe this tripe, and are worried about what will happen to their pets as they fly off into the atmosphere, a new service is being offered to ease their minds and their consciences.
And, no, pets are not allowed into heaven. Only those who are "born again" will see the kingdom of God.
'Tis a problem. Think of your beloved "Rover," "stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed [him], let [him] out to potty, or..."
'Tis a problem no longer. A "moral and loving pet owner" who is an atheist (and thus certain to be left behind at the Rapture) will take care of your pet(s) for "a small deposit of $50 ... from the time you are raptured until the end of their natural life."
Speaking religiously, that sounds like a hell of a good deal! You won't need money in heaven anyway!