Over at You Made Me Say It, Philly Chief comes right out and says it: "Jesus no protection from swine flu."
What?
Yup. But, but, but...what about prayer? Won't that work?
And why aren't all the rightwingnut religious fruitcakes calling for another National Day of Prayer, as obviously, the last one didn't work very well. I mean, Obama got elected and he brought us socialism and swine flu!
Nope, says Philly Chief, prayer will get you nowhere. And the Christian prelates and pompous priests know it! They're not even pretending anymore. Here's the proof: a message to the faithful from the Catholic Diocese of Dallas (By the way, you've got to take this seriously, 'cause Texas Catolics are really tuff!):
"If you are not feeling well, especially during this time of concern, please stay at home and do not risk spreading the infection to others."
That came from the Rev. Michael Dugan, diocesan director of the Office of Liturgy.
Philly Chief can't resist:
"That's right, don't risk infecting people. Very sensible advice, however, I thought Jesus was magic, and that little cracker they eat at mass was LITERALLY the flesh of Jesus. So a cracker of Jesus is not enough to either cure you or immunize you from swine flu. Perhaps you need to eat a whole box? I don't know. Then there's the most obvious question, what about prayer?"
What about prayer indeed? Philly Chief, knowing more about the Bible than most Christianists, pulls a couple of quotes from Jesus out of the Gospel According to Matthew:
Matthew 7:7 - "Ask, and it will be given you, seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For every one who asks receives."
I like this one best: Matthew 11:24 - "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Oops. Doesn't work that way. Prayer doesn't work, and eating the magic cracker doesn't work. No wonder the priestly poohbahs want you to stay home.
Philly Chief has more to say, which you can read here.
4 comments:
I read in a local paper that a local Catholic Bishop sent a letter to all the Priests informing them to not have people drink from a common cup like they usually do, and also to give them the bread in their hand and not put it in their mouth for them. There was also something about people who had a gluten intolerance getting special bread. I'm not even kidding. Apparently Jesus has gluten in him and some people are intolerant to it. And people believe this stuff, why?
The gluten thing is really funny! Can't they make a non-glutenous Jesus?
That's also interesting about the common cup. I was under the impression that most dioceses still refuse the chalice to the faithful except on special occasions.
You just can't count of the body and blood of Christ to keep you from evil!
That was powerfully portrayed in the first Godfather movie at the baptism.
Prayer: a way to waste time which has no positive results.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph never ate pig meat! They were religious Jews and kept all the dietary rules of religious Jews and Muslims. Pork is forbidden. I guess Jews and Muslims will not get swine flu. Should everyone consider converting to Islam or Judaism?
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