The end times on GOD TV

When fundamentalist christianists talk about the "end-times," they refer to perverted biblical interpretations of prophetic nonsense which they insist provide insight into what will happen at the end of the world.

It's all bullshit, but end-times "experts" make a hell of a lot of money picking the pockets of the foolish and naive.


If you've never heard of GOD TV, and need a real laugh, click here. It doesn't have anything to do with the biblical god, but it's hilarious to see what religious dickheads can come up with.

At the beginning of this month, GOD TV instituted a "special season of programming dealing with Bible prophecy and how it relates to current events."

Happy Holidays!

Oh, and the programming will include truly informative events such as "GOD TV founders Rory & Wendy Alec and End-Time experts" asking questions like:

* Are we really living in the Last Days of life, as we know it, on Planet Earth?

* Is the current economic meltdown setting the stage for a new global currency?

* Is there a secret elite at work behind the scenes to usher in a new world order?

* How is this linked to the much-anticipated return of Jesus Christ to the earth?"


Now, you've gotta admit that is terrific stuff! And GOD TV will bring out the "End-Time experts" to guide you through it. And I'll bet you'll find out that these are indeed, the "Last Days of Life," because somewhere in the Hebrew bible there's a passage that says, "Lo, you worms, the Last Days of Life will happen in 2008 just before Xmas; beware, be safe, use Trojans."

You'll also learn about the new global currency, also forecast in the Hebrew Bible, the use of which indicates the LAST DAYS ARE UPON US! Only Rory & Wendy Alec know about this verse: "Global currency is evil and tainted with corruption by the house of Nebuchadrezzar and Napoleon and lo, my man Madoff will relieve you of all cash so you are not tempted to enter the house of Neb and Nap. When that happens, look up into the sky where you will see a dollar bill burning and as it is devoured by the flames, it is replaced by the Euro. Run like hell and jump in a well, for the LAST DAYS ARE HERE!"

The secret elite I cannot tell you about. It's so secret, not even Rory and Wendy know the prophetic passage. It has to do with Bill Clinton though. And Caroline Kennedy. And maybe Pelosi. Definitely Hagee. Not Obama!

Now when you put all this together, it's immediately obvious it has to do with the "much-anticipated return of Jesus Christ to the Earth." Sort of. In the book of the Revelatory of Juanita, Chapter 7, verse 7, paragraph 7, beginning at the 7th word, it becomes clear: "The Apostle Paul spoke of Haysus coming all the way down from the 7th heaven to the first heaven. But I say to you, 'Lo, in the LAST DAYS, Haysus, aka Jesus, aka Joshua, aka Yeshua, will jump from the 1st heaven to the earth and upon landing will smash all EVILDOERS, like Bush and Cheney and all un-completed Jews, and liberal Xtians and non-believers, especially Sam Harris, and liberal bloggers like Ariana Huffington, and DistributorcapNY and Tommy Korioth and Jacob!'"

* * * *

Actually, GOD TV, in spite of its claims, is not connected to heaven, so you're not going to get the TRUTH as laid out above. Nah. And the month is almost gone, so you've missed out on a lot of good stuff already.

There were "riveting feature films, interview programs and extensive coverage from events such as the 25th International Prophecy Conference from Florida hosted by Dr Joe VanKoervering." You would have learned "How the Middle East Conflict is Preparing the World for the End-Times with Dr. Randall Price and you would have been given help in "Discerning the Signs of the Times' by Donald Perkins.

Isn't that exciting?

Rory and Wendy are hosting "a new End-Time series on Fridays at 8:30pm and Sundays at 9pm entitled 'Apocalypse and the End Times." I'd say skip it. Hell, they don't know nuttin. I've already given you everything you need to know.

Now the month may be almost over, but you still might be able to catch programs that deal with the Second Coming, the Rapture, the Illuminati, the antichrist, the mark of the beast, "as well as such issues as UFOs and Aliens, bird flue and the current economic meltdown."


What can I say? In the world of fundamentalist christianists, the morons rule! What's sad is they continue to pump out their unadulterated bullshit and millions of ignorant, frightened, needy and stupid people lap it up!


[The photo came from this site.]