What you need to believe...

... because of the new format, I'm going to list all of the "What you need to believe to be a Republican" sayings here ... I'm not sure where these originated, but I got them from my friend, da Goose.

#1 - Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton

#2 - Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

#3 - Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

#4 - A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting the entire human race without regulation.

#5 - The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veteran's benefits and combat pay.

#6 - If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

#7 - A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle out long-time allies, then

demand their cooperation and money.

#8 - Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.  HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

#9 - Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

#10 - A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

#11 - The Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriage and censoring the Internet.

#12 - The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record and whee he was when he was supposed to be in the Texas Air National Guard is none of our business.

#13 - Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host.  Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

#14 - What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.

#15 - We must support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

A final quote: 

 "There is no underestimating the intelligence of the American people."  H. L. Mencken