Great Balls of Bulls!

In a previous post this morning, we snidely referred to Florida's state legislator's as a "bunch of monkeys." There are several reasons for such a callous, disrespectful attitude. Here's one of them:

The State of Florida is in the grip of a recession. In some cities, houses are being foreclosed faster than their owners can find homeless shelters. Gasoline prices and food prices have gone through the proverbial roof and more and more people have taken to stealing and robbing so they can eat and buy gas. It appears that within just a few years, Miami, Fort Lauderdale, Palm Beach, as well as the rest of the East and West Coasts of Florida will simply disappear under millions of gallons of salt water, as the ocean rises due to melting glaciers and ice packs. The state budget crunch is so severe that cities, counties and state agencies are laying off people, selling equipment, closing down buildings, cutting back services (even emergency services) ... in fact, things are so bad that some legislators have actually suggested maybe, perhaps, the state should forgo this year's tax-free holidays normally held just before school opens in mid-summer.

So, what do you think is a major topic of debate in Florida's Senate chambers? It's about replicas of bull testicles that often hang from the back of pickup trucks! Senator Carey Baker, a Republican from Eustis, is deeply offended by this display of nature's charms and is sponsoring a resolution that would authorize police to give $60 tickets to drivers with their balls hanging out.

The first debate, which became somewhat graphic at times, took place with school children watching from the galleries. When the debate was re-ignited, senators obeyed the Senate president's wish that they tone down the language. They talked about "glands." Steve Geller, a Democrat from Cooper City, thought the whole testy business untasty and suggested that the Senate needn't bother legislating what people can dangle from their cars or pickups.


If you're interested, you can buy the balls on the Internet at Your Nutz and BullsBals. The owner of Your Nutz is quite pleased with the debate in Florida's senatorial chambers as it has provided him with much free publicity and business is booming. "Every time this happens, it drives my sales through the roof. I can't thank this lawmaker enough. I'm considering contributing to these guys who are coming up with these bills."

BullsBalls has a variety of bull's testes, ranging in price from the mid-teens to about $50. You can get them in mocha, ivory, pink, silver, gold and chrome.

BullsBalls owner, John Saller, is likewise happy when state legislatures try to make his balls illegal as it jump starts his business, too. "Florida is not the first state to do this," he said. Other states that have tried and failed to make bulls balls illegal include Virginia and New Jersey.


We should note that several folks in Florida's Senate have more smarts than Mr. Baker. "It's a first amendment thing," said one. Of course it is. As Senator Victor Crist noted, who is also a Republican, "It was a waste of time. We have better things to do than sit down and listen to a debate on whether or not someone should be allowed to hang an ornament on their trailer hitch or not.

"To me," he continued, "It's a First Amendment right of personal expression..."

Senator Crist is correct. I agree that the hanging of these balls from trucks or cars or boats or planes or whatever is protected by the First Amendment. I also think that it is low-class and stupid! And if the State Senate cannot find anything better to do than deal with matters like this they should pack up their bags and go home so we can elect people with brains and common sense.

Some advice from John Saller: "If you're driving down the road with your kid and your kid asks, 'What's that?' and you don't know what to say, just tell them 'That's a male truck.'"