Student steals body of Christ

WFTV.com in Orlando, Florida, reports that Webster Cook, a University of Central Florida Student Senator, went to a Catholic Mass at the University and stole the body of Christ.

June 29. Cook went to the altar; he took the wafer which had been transubstantiated into the actual, real, physical body of Christ; but he didn't eat it. He tried to take it back to his seat. He fully intended to eat it, but first he wanted to show it to a friend who had expressed some interest in the Roman Catholic Church and had attended Mass with him.

On his way back to his seat, Cook was accosted by a woman. He says that "[s]he came up behind me, grabbed my wrist with her right hand, with her left hand grabbed my fingers and was trying to pry them open to get the Eucharist out of my hand."

He finally put the wafer into his mouth and made his way back to his seat, where he took it out of his mouth.

Cook has filed an "abuse complaint" with UCF's student conduct court. Meanwhile church officials filed their own complaint citing disruptive conduct.

Isn't this fun?

A spokeswoman for the Diocese of Orlando says she wasn't aware that anyone had touched Cook. Of course not.

But the Diocese wants the wafer back! It needs care and respect. Cook was keeping it in a bag.

Father Miguel Gonzalez complained: "Imagine if they kidnapped somebody and you make a plea for that individual to please return that loved one to the family." Furthermore, to "intentionally" abuse the Eucharist is a mortal sin! That's as bad as it gets. So, if the wafer doesn't come back, the whole community's gonna have to pray real hard, make acts of reparation, and "ask the Lord for pardon, forgiveness, peace ... "

Hee, hee.


Well, the community did its thing, only it wasn't about pardon, forgiveness or peace. Cook received all kinds of emails from Catholics around the globe accusing him of premeditative theft -- planning to steal the wafer all along, and damning him to hell. Some warned they were going to break into his room to "rescue the Eucharist."

Cook decided he didn't need all that crap and brought the wafer back - no worse for wear, we hope.


Don't you just love all this superstition and magic? My god, if you believe that a little bitty wafer actually turns into the body of some mythical figure from 2000 plus years ago, you've got a real big problem.

Of course, you could test the wafer scientifically. You know what you'd find, right?

It's just a damned wafer!