Saturday, March 31, 2012

Ten Signs You Are a Christian Fundie

[Disclaimer:  This was sent to me by a friend.  I do not know the name of the author.  I have made minor editorial adjustments.]

Here are the top ten signs you might be a Christian Fundamentalist:

10.  You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but become outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9.  You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life-forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim we were created from dirt.

8.  You laugh at polytheists, but have no problem believing in a trinitarian (three gods in one) god.

7.  Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how your G-d, Yahweh/Jehovah, slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua," including women and children, and even trees.

6.  You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and at Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that a "holy spirit" impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man/god who was soon crucified only to come back to life and ascend into the sky.

5.  You are willing to spend your life looking for small loop-holes in the scientifically-established age of the earth (4.55 billion years) but find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the earth was only a couple of generations old.

4.  You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival Christians sects - will spend eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering.  And yet you consider your religion to be the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3.  While modern science, history, geology, biology and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" is all the evidence you need to prove the truth of Christianity.

2.  You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers.  You consider that to be evidence that prayer "works."  And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE rate was simply the will of god.

1.  You actually know a lot less than many Jews, Muslims, atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and "church" history, but still call yourself a Christian.

No comments:

opinions powered by