Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Jesus says he does not know Franklin Graham

[Photo from the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association]

I talked to Jesus today and he told me he'd never heard of Franklin Graham!

Well, that's what the legendary Jesus would say if there really had been a Jesus or a Christ or a son of a god who was also his father and  his holy spirit all rolled into one like a piece of salt water taffy.

The Jesus figure who walked the earth for a few years 2,000 years ago neglected to write down what he really believed or didn't believe and whether he was really the bastard son of a teenage Jewess named Mary.  In fact, he didn't write anything whatsoever, which means he also failed to instruct his disciples about what to do when he died, rose again and went whoosh up to heaven.  The whooshing is understandable, of course, but because there isn't any "up" he couldn't have whooshed "up."  He must have whooshed "out" which would have to be considered a miracle as that is very hard to do unless you're on jet skis.

Anyway, there were lots of wandering, itinerant preachers, healers, magicians, philosophers and other assorted crackpots traveling the highways and byways of the Roman Empire back in those days and some 30-40 years after Saul/Paul had his vision of a Christ figure who lived in the 7th heaven, a few believers decided they needed to put together something of a background for the guy.  So, a fellow we know as Mark picked up a copy of some material another author had written, and along with a lot of common fables put it all together in a "gospel."  Some years later folks we know as Matthew and Luke came along and used Mark as the basis for their own story.  Unfortunately, they had a hard time getting things straight and then they made up  stuff like the birth stories, and that was confusing to the Christ followers.  Some other Christ followers wrote their own "gospels," creating more entertaining tales of a Jesus figure.  In fact, we know of over 200 different gospels.

Sometime in the 2nd century, long after Jesus was supposed to have hustled around Palestine in his sandals, a guy who was given the name of John wrote another gospel which was nothing like the others.  In John's gospel, the Jesus figure has now actually become god and lives in "heaven," wherever that is and is a spiritual being who saves people who believe in him.  In the other three gospels of our modern bibles, Jesus was quite concerned about behavior.  People who failed to behave properly toward other people who have a tough time being accepted into paradise.  And rich people?  Forget it.  They had literally no chance at all!  John's Jesus doesn't care about how you behave.  Just believe!

We've got a lot of christianist fruitcakes wandering our highways and byways today who actually believe that all this mythical nonsense is literally true.  The biggest group of fanatics comprise the Roman Catholic Church but the so-called fundamentalist Christians are right behind the Catholics in nuttery.

Franklin Graham is one of the latter, a fundy christianist who typically believes he can tell big, bold lies if he does it for a good reason.  The notion that the end justifies the means is in the marching orders of fundy christianists.  That's why such weirdos as Graham and the Baptist preacher, Huckabee, and the rotten papiest, Gingrich, can cast aspersions on President Obama by pretending he has not produced his birth certificate!

Franklin Graham, being very ignorant of the bible he pretends to revere, believes not only that this Jesus actually lived on earth but that he rose again in bodily form after he died and, as we have seen, was whooshed up into heaven, and will somehow "return" to earth to swoop up all true believers and take them all with him to heaven and send all the rest of us to a terrible fiery eternal punishment.

Graham, being a really nasty person, claims on the one hand, that his make-believe Jesus said no one knew, knows or will know anything about the end of time or the coming of the son of man which Graham thinks is the 2nd coming of his Jesus.  But this Jesus warned about wars and rumors of wars, blah, blah, blah and we've certainly got those and so Graham thinks that probably means the 2nd coming is going to happen any minute or not.

In other words, Graham is full of crap!

What is really beyond belief is that Christiane Amanpour of ABC felt the need to interview this clown!  What's the point?  Who cares what Franklin Graham thinks about anything?

It is a funny interview, though.  Graham says the Bible says that everyone on earth will see the 2nd Coming.  So, how will that happen?  Well, it may be through our social media.  "How is the whole world going to see him all at one time?" asked Graham.  Then he answers his own question:  "I don't know unless all of a sudden everybody is taking pictures and it's on the media worldwide.  Social media could have a big part in that."

And Jesus wept!  That's in one of the gospels.

Good god, Graham is a goofball!  His god and his Jesus are so inept and powerless they have to rely on our means of communication to ensure that everyone sees the 2nd coming at the same time!  Whoa!  That may be why it's been so long coming, this 2nd coming.  God, being very dumb, had to wait until some smart young Jewish guy invented Facebook!

Is this great, or what?

But Graham wasn't done with his plaintive prognostications so he decided he'd take a swipe at our Constitution and form of government.  Graham, being a christiainst, doesn't like democracy partly because it includes freedom of religion.  He thinks our government should be a christianist government and christianists should rule!

And the damn government shouldn't be involved in helping people.  Graham says it's the government's fault that the churches don't do more to help the poor and needy.  The churches quit taking care of people because the government took over the job!

Not only so, but the antichrist is everywhere.  Secularism is the antichrist.  "I look at the world in which we live today and the secularism is antichrist.  It's every bit antichrist.  We can't talk about Jesus in our schools.  God has been kicked out of our government."

All of that is plain and simple bullshit, of course.  I wish god had been kicked out of our government.  Unfortunately, we've got so many christianist nutcases in Congress trying to impose their god's law on the rest of us Congress is beginning to resemble the Afghanistan Taliban!  And one can talk about Jesus at length in our public schools.  One cannot, however, say that you have to believe in Jesus in order to avoid an eternity of hell.  That's what Graham is really bitching about.  He wants our public schools to be outlets for evangelical christianity!

Finally, this strange freak of a christianist again implied that Obama may not be legitimate as he might not have been born in this country and has not produced his birth certificate.  Now, for anyone who claims to be a christian to say that is just despicable!  Obama's birth certificate has been produced, verified and authenticated.

Graham should be ashamed of himself and get out of the god business.  We have way too many of these goofy, lying, amoral christianist evangelicals in our country the way it is!

Oh, one final thing:  Frankie thinks that Donald Trump might just be the right guy for the presidency of these United States!  Ugh!

You can watch the aforementioned interview here.

1 comment:

Sailor said...

That was hilarious! I had to laugh at the "God, being very dumb, had to wait until some smart young Jewish guy invented Facebook!"

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