Baptists gonna biblicize Texas

[Image from the Walker Report]

If you live in the great state of Texas...well, lucky you! A bunch of nogoodnik Baptists are planning to get a "multilingual, multimedia CD that allows folks to listen to key biblical passages in their native language" into all 9 million homes in the great state of Texas.

The Baptists want you to know "that there's hope in Christ.!

And they want you to know before Easter. Maybe there's no hope after Easter?

So, Baptists in churches all over the great state of Texas are handing out these CDs - "at block parties, festivals, food pantries, health fairs, and door-to-door. They're mailing them to hard-to-reach places. A few doorbell-ringing churches are delivering homemade cookies and pies with every CD."


And the Lord said, "Jesus Christ, what a bunch of morons. Wasting all that time, money and energy on such nonsense. Why the hell aren't they out there taking care of the poor, the sick, and those in prison? That's what I told them to do!"

Not to worry, Lord. These CD's will make great coasters. Or kids can use them as frisbees.


The Baptists, though, think they'll be so popular that in ten years Texas will be even more inundated with "fire-breathing Christians."

And the Lord asked, "What the hell is a fire-breathing Christian? If they don't start following my teachings soon, I'll give 'em a little fire to breathe!