The Twelve Steps of Christmas

I bought a box of Christmas cards at Target with the following on the front :

The 12 Steps of Christmas

1. Admit you are powerless over Christmas, and that your life has become unmanageable.
2. Believe that a power greater than consumer credit can restore you to sanity.
3. Decide to turn your will and life over to Santa as you understand him.
4. Make a searching and fearless inventory of your material desires.
5. Admit to Santa, to yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your size, color preferences, and taste in furniture.
6. Allow Santa to remedy all defects of your bank account.
7. Humbly ask Santa to payoff your mortgage.
8. Make a list of everything you want, and be willing to read the instruction manuals.
9. Cite model numbers and retail locations wherever possible, except when doing so would require an internet search.
10. Continue to take personal inventory, and when you think of something else you need, add it to the list.
11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve your conscious contact with Santa as you understand him, praying only for knowledge of his gifts for you and the power to open them quickly.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, carry Santa's message to friends and family every Christmas.
    

My personal favorite is #3. If I ever find myself looking towards a higher power, it will be Santa. Unlike other gods, Santa actually delivers. I actually find gifts under my tree every year.

From the Underground Unbeliever.