Skirmishes in the War on Christmas

Skirmish 1:

Tony Woodlief at worldmag.com thinks the American public is stupid and castigates our citizens who have turned Christmas into "bacchanalia." He refers to SantaCon as an example; "a drunken party where attendees wear cheap red outfits reminiscent of Santa Claus. ... The purpose of SantaCon, depending on whom you ask, turns on making Christmas less ... something: less commerical, less traditional, less stuffy, less virginal, less sober."

Woodlief notes that Christmas derives from "a pagan winter celebration," which isn't so bad in and of itself, but "Christians appropriated the pagan winter celebrations the way a company might buy out a competitor, keeping the location to which everyone was accustomed but gradually getting folks to think of it as having different significance."

Ah, yes, the Christians screwed up. "We succeeded in supplanting the pagan holiday, but we didn't rid ourselves of the pagans. Instead, a good many of us joined in, gradually helping to associate Christmas with over-consumption, drunken revelry, and self-centered celebration."

What to do? Give it up! "...let's publically call this big event the 'Happy Holidays,' of 'Winter Festival,' or even 'Saturnalia,' and stop--for the love of God--calling it Christmas."

"Let's give it [Christmas] back to the pagans," says Woodlief.


Skirmish 2:

Gary McCullough, director of Christian Newswire, is pretty damn snotty. Christians stole the pagan holiday. Ha, ha! Christians also stole Halloween, Easter, Thanksgiving. So, there, you atheists!

Mouthy McCullough says to "our atheist neighbors ... Yes -- we stole your pagan holidays. We have trashed most of your culture; and for good reason. Pagan culture celebrated rape, slavery, and murder."

Hmmm. Methinks there are good historical reasons to blame Christians for those things!

McCullough concludes that atheists should "go get your own holiday." Then, with a massive dose of chutzpah, says atheists already have their own holiday, April 1st.

That's not a very nice thing for a christianist to say during the Christmas season which is supposed to celebrate peace and goodwill to all! WWJD?


Skirmish 3:

Inhabiting the Utah State Legislature is a Sen. Chris Buttars. A Repugnican, naturally. Buttars, for some reason, has become a leader in the fight against the "war on Christmas." That means, naturally, that he is sponsoring a resolution suggesting that retailers use the word, "Christmas" in their advertising, rather than "Happy Holidays."

Buttars, an ignoramus, says "I'm sick of the Christmas wars -- we're a Christian nation and ought to use the word."

Well, Sen. Buttars, you're a butt-head. We're not a Christian nation. Go back to school!


Skirmish 4:

Patrick Mahoney is the director of the far-right, extremist christianist wingnut Christian Defense Coalition. He received permission to set up a nativity display in Times Square on December 6.

That's over, but it's part of an effort, dubbed "The Nativity Project," which "encourages individuals and groups to display Nativity scenes in public places across America."

This is, he says, to remind Americans and "Public religious freedom and speech must be protected and promoted."

Except for those he doesn't agree with; like atheists.

The birth of Christ, says Mahoney, "promises 'peace and goodwill' to all who seek Him."

And everyone else can go to hell, right Mahoney?

What a dirtbag!


Skirmish 5:

This is sorta peripheral to the war on Christmas, but it's related and it's funny. Joel Miller got upset one day when he found himself listening to cell phones ringing and suddenly realized that there were no Christian ringtones!

Yup!

He said, "It seems that all around us now a days (sic), there are cell phones ringing ungodly, intrusive, or Satanic ring tones that misdirect people who are in need of hope and faith. Just look around and one can come to the realization that, Satan is taking over the world using cell phones."

Omigod!

What to do?

Well, "A cell phone in the hands of a good Christian is a powerful weapon against Satan." So Joel found a couple of nice ringtone sites where one can download "Christian" ringtones and fight Satan!

Get those ringtones, Christians, says Joel. "...anyone using their cell phone as a ministry to spread the word of our Lord Jesus Christ, can expect to be blessed."

Actually, if I'm in earshot of some dork getting blessed with a religious ringtone, I might just shove that cellphone where the sun don't shine!

Ringtones in public are a pain in the ass anytime, anywhere.