Minoring in Miniatures

What you need to believe to be a Republican:

#4 - A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting the entire world without regulation.


Dick Cheney the defense secretary (as opposed to vice president Dick Cheney)

On April 21, 1991, Dick Cheney gave a speech at the Washington Institute's Soref Symposium. At the time he was Secretary of Defense under the first Bushite president, George H.W. Bush.

Cheney was talking about Iraq and responding to the idea that U.S. forces in the first Bush Gulf War should take have taken out Saddam Hussein. Listen carefully to what cheating, cheesy Cheney has to say:

"I think that the proposition of going to Baghdad is also fallacious. I think if we were going to remove Saddam Hussein we would have had to go all the way to Baghdad, we would have to commit a lot of force because I do not believe he would wait in the Presidential Palace for us to arrive. I think we'd have had to hunt him down. And once we'd done that and we'd gotten rid of Saddam Hussein and his government, then we'd have had to put another government in its place. What kind of government? Should it be a Sunni government or Shi'i government or a Kurdish government of Ba'athist regime? Or maybe we want to bring in some of the Islamic fundamentalists? How long would we have had to stay in Baghdad to keep that government in place? What would happen to the government once U.S. forces withdrew? How many casualties should the United States accept in that effort to try to create clarity and stability in a situation that is inherently unstable? I think it is vitally important for a President to know when to use military force. I think it is also very important for him to know when not to commit U.S. military force. And it's my view that the President got it right both times, that it would have been a mistake for us to get bogged down in the quagmire inside Iraq."

He almost sounds sane. What changed between 1991 and 2003? The political situation (he was now working for the second Bushite president who was even dumber than the first), and the oil situation.

As an oil man, oil is and always has been Cheney's first priority. He and others thought they would be able to use the U.S. mililtary to cover up their takeover of the Iraqi oil fields. They had the whole thing planned out. The maps they used are available today.

They just forgot the reality that is Iraq.

That's the hell of it, for dying and wounded American soldiers and for dying and wounded Iraqis.


Hatred on the Right

The Traditional Values Coalition, run by Louis Sheldon and his daughter, Andrea Lafferty, is one of the most degenerate of all the right-wing Christian groups. It's most traditional "value" is hate and that is what they promote 100% of the time.

For example: the photo of Barack Obama appearing at the top of this post was borrowed from the TVC website. Notice how it has been doctored with some kind of fisheye distortion.

The TVC doesn't like the Obamas. The TVC wants you to know the "truth" about the Obamas.

The TVC begins by saying Obama is a "first-term Senator with no discernible accomplishments in the Senate."

According to an article by Cliff Kincaid, a hack for a Christian right "news" outlet, Senator Obama has been "mentored" by some pretty scary people. One of Obama's earliest mentors in Hawaii was a Communist by name of Frank Marshall Davis! In Chicago, he had a "black power" mentor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Jr. (Quick note: There is some concern among some of us more genteel people about Obama's relationship with Wright. Obama has, however, publicly distanced himself from Wright's more radical statements).

And finally, the article claims that not only Obama, but also Hillary Clinton had a Socialist mentor, Saul Alinsky, where they learned all their nasty socialistic tactics!

Michelle Obama, is also suspect, says TVC, for she "developed a sense of racial resentment" at Princeton University, "that continues to this day." TVC says a speech she gave at UCLA on February 19 was "Hitler-like," because she said that Obama will want people to be engaged in democracy.

The TVC continues to give Christianity a bad name!


SMU fails the test

The George W. Bush presidential library will be built on the Southern Methodist University campus in Dallas.

Some of the faculty don't like the idea. A number of Methodist ministers don't like the idea. There might be a lawsuit to stop it.

There are only a couple of problems that I see. One is finding enough material to put in it. The Bush administration has hidden most of their files, emails, and phone calls. They've declared the rest so secret that not even Bush can read them or listen to them. The other problem is that to use the words "Bush" and "library" in the same sentence is an oxymoron.

They sure got the moron part right!


Those nasty queer penquins!

In Loudon County, Virginia, parents have successfully removed the book, "And Tango Makes Three" from the libraries of the elementary schools.

This book tells the story of two male penquins who agree to raise a penquin chick together.

My God, can't you see the rampant homosexuality? Can't you understand that if elementary school kids read this they will immediately conclude that homosexuality is OK, and think that maybe they should be homosexuals, too?

The book can still be read by the elementary school teachers and parents (evidently they're not afflicted by homosexual wannabeitis). Kids in the middle and high schools can read it, too. They don't even need permission from their parents. I don't get that!


Christianity is different

How is Christianity different? This is the question one Steven Halter tries to answer for the Christian Broadcasting Network.

Well, first of all says he, "a crucial distinctive (sic) is that God cared enough about humankind to reach down and compassionately provide a way for us to be in a right relationship with Him."

Whoa! That raises a couple of questions from me! What took God so long? From the Big Bang to the birth of Jesus is one hell of a lot of years! Didn't He care about all the people that lived before 4 B.C. E. or whenever Jesus was supposed to be born? And what is this "compassion" God exercised? Is Halter talking about Jesus being crucified on a cross? Would that be considered "compassionate?"

Mr. Halter says that "In other religions, people vainly attempt to reach God and earn their salvation by doing good deeds and by refraining from bad behavior."

That's not even true, which shows us that Mr. Halter knoweth not whereof he speaketh, but even if it were, it sounds pretty good to me. Someone once said that the Christian church was no more than a place where people go to get justification to keep on sinning.

According to Mr. Halter, God sent his Son "to live a holy and sinless life and suffer the payment for our sins." All we have to do is believe this stuff and we're home free! We get forgiven and we're given new life. Not only that, but we can be sure we're a-going to heaven!

I've always been kinda stumped about this "holy and sinless" life Jesus was supposed to have lived. I mean, he was pretty short to people at times, even his own mother. He called Peter "Satan." He stayed behind in the temple when he was only 12, letting his parents go frantic with worry about him. He sent a bunch of pigs to a demonly death which was totally unnecessary! He cursed the fig tree when the damn thing wasn't even supposed to have figs. That was pretty dumb!

And why couldn't God figure out a way to forgive people without putting his own son on a cross? From what I read in the Bible, he'd been doing just fine for thousands of years. And how come Christians get such an easy deal: all they have to do is believe. Other folks have to be good, and even then people like Mr. Halter would say, "You lose!"


Earthquakes result from homosexuality

So says Shlomo Benizri, a member of the Knesset in Israel.

Pam Spaulding at Pam's House Blend tells the story. The Knesset had called a special session to deal with Israel's preparedness for another earthquake. During the discussion, Shlomo said:

"But I no (sic) of another way to prevent earthquakes; the Gemara mentions a number of causes of earthquakes, one of which is homosexualtiy, which the Knesset legitimizes."

The chairman of the Israeli Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Association, Mike Hammel, had this to say:

" ... it is sad that a religious MK in Israel doesn't think earthquakes are God-made. On the other hand, I suppose we should be flattered he attributes us with such magical powers."


More Schmucks

A Republican Congressman, Rick Renzi, was indicted for extortion, wire fraud, money laundering and "other matters" today "in an Arizona land swap scam that allegedly helped him collect hundreds of thousands of dollars in payoffs."

Renzi is the Arizona chairman for John McCain's presidential campaign. McCain said "I'm sorry. I feel for the family; as you know, he has 12 children."


Up in Boston, there's trouble in GOP-land, too. Robert Somma, 63, a Republican, lawyered in Boston when Bush appointed him as a federal bankruptcy judge in December 2004.

Somma was arrested after ramming a pickup truck from behind in Manchester, New Hampshire. He had some trouble finding his drivers license in his purse. According to one close to the police, "When authorities removed him from the vehicle, they said he wore a black women's cocktail dress, fishnet stockings and high heels."

The judge had tipped a few at The Breezeway Pub which calls itself "New Hampshire's favorite gay and alternative bar."

The judge's wife was out of town.

The judge called in his resignation from a Caribbean vacation resort.

The judge was convicted of DWI last week.


But we're not biased. This next one's about a Democrat, a businessman who wanted to be a Congressman.

Gary Dodds, 43, wanted to be the Democratic congressman from the 1st Congressional District in Dover, New Hampshire. He was in financial hot water, so he faked disappearing after a car crash two years ago.

While it seems no one is sure of the reason for faking his disappearance other than to gain name-recognition with the voters, he was convicted on February 20 and faces up to seven years in prison.


Satellite Hit

From all reports, the U.S. Navy actually hit the malfunctioning satellite. Of course all the reports are not in yet and we're not sure where all the stuff is gonna land, but "authorities" keep saying that we're not in danger.

Doesn't that make you feel better?

And you will really feel better when you realize that FEMA was on top of things. FEMA even sent out a memo to various emergency "first responders" throughout the nation which provided them with encouragement to do their job and a link to a First Responder Guide.

I knew that if you knew FEMA was involved you'd sleep like a baby even if the Navy missed the damn thing!