Why Texas should secede

I'm all for Texas leaving the union.

Texas, these days, seems to be full of racists, rednecks, nogoodniks, neanderthals, stupids, morons, Repugnicans, and assholes. This became obvious when I watched a bit of the so-called Tea Parties held in Texas which had nothing to do with tea or anything else that made sense. What sense can be had from the fact that every idiot who participated in a tea party and makes less than $250K a year is being given a tax cut from the Obama administration? Huh?

As we've said before the Boston nogoodniks who tossed tea into Boston Harbor so long ago were pissed, not because they had to pay taxes, but rather because they had no representation in Parliament.

The present-day Tea Partiers, ignorant morons that they are, are not only represented in Congress but are actually getting tax breaks from the government!

Which means that most of this noise was pure racism. They just don't like a black president!

That's not to deny there are lots of good folks in Texas, but it looks like they're just gonna have to immigrate to the United States.


The secession of Texas would be wonderful! For one thing, it would save the rest of us a ton of money. Rick Perry, the moronic governor of Texas, is telling the people of Texas that the federal government is a like a vampire, sucking the financial blood of the hardworking folks living in the Lone Star State.

Rick Perry is a liar. For every dollar Texas sends to the federal government, Texas gets 88 cents back! That's one of the highest ratios of all the states and almost double what most receive in return for their dollar.

So, actually, we might say that Texas is like a vampire, sucking the financial blood of all the rest of us!


I've put together (quickly) a list of some of consequences of Texas' secession. You may think of many more and can add them to the list.

1. No FEMA in cases of natural disasters.
2. No FAA to keep airplanes from crashing into one another and into the ground.
3. No military to protect Texas.
4. All military bases in Texas will close and be transferred to the United States.
5. No more scientific research grants.
6. No grants to Texas' universities.
7. No federal loans for Texas college students.
8. No mortgage assistance for people buying homes.
9. No small business loans.
10. No Medicare.
11. No Medicaid.
12. No Social Security.
13. No federal aid for hospitals.
14. Texas will have to pay the United States for the Interstate Highways.
15. No federal money for road construction or other infrastructures.
16. No border patrol. Texas will have to set up its own border patrol.
17. No federal prisons.
18. No national parks.
19. No education funding.
20. The Houston Space Center will be relocated.
21. No more special allowances for oil companies located in Texas.
22. No federal courts.
23. No FBI.
24. No DEA.
25. No CIA
26. No OSHA.
27. No FCC.
28. No EPA.
29. No FDA.
30. No Veterans administration or veterans hospitals.
31. Here's a list of other federal assistance to Texas (and other states) and these will all be discontinued:
a. Aid to Families with Dependent Children
b. Alcohol, Drug Abuse, and Mental Health Services Block Grant
c. Child and Adult Care Food Program
d. Community Development Block Grant
e. Conservation Reserve Program
f. Federal Pell Grant (mentioned above: loans to college students)
g. Food Stamp Program
h. Head Start
i. Local Law Enforcement Block Grant
j. Section 8 Housing Choice Voucher
k. Temporary Assistance for Needy Families


I know this list is woefully incomplete. Please feel free to add to it.


One other thing. Chuck Norris wants to be president of the Republic of Texas. That would serve 'em right. I'll bet he's almost as smart as Ronald Reagan, another B-grade movie actor who knew from nothing.

Oh, and George W. Bush could run for president of Texas. He damned near ruined the state while governor, and he did ruin the United States, but, what the hell, Texans will probably give him another change. Tom DeLay could be vice-president. He's even more immoral than Cheney! Karl Rove could be attorney general and waterboard everybody who didn't agree with him!

The NRA would be given a special seat in the Legislature to make sure that every single possible kind of weapon be available everywhere guns are sold to everyone without regard to race, creed, sex, or even age!

Rick Perry' tempest in a teapot

[Photo of Governor Goodhair - so dubbed by Molly Ivins - from AP at KCBY.com]

I'm constantly in awe of the fact that so many prominent Repugnicans are so damn dumb. Rick Perry, governor of Texas, who has threatened that Texas might secede from the union, is high on the list of dumbnuts.

Alex Koppelman at Salon notes that after appearing at a tea rally in his state, Perry told reporters that when Texas entered the union in 1845 "one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that."

Well, not quite. Koppelman notes that AP checked with the Texas State Library and Archives Commission, and found that Perry's statement is not true.


This tempest in a teapot, if you will, was discussed at The Last Chance Democracy Cafe, where it was noted some folks on the left believe that Texas leaving the union would be a good thing. It would mean the union would lose one of its largest bunch of recalcitrant right wing nogoodniks, and take a swing toward sanity!

"Besides, one can hardly help but be intrigued by any suggestion that would result in both Karl Rove and George W. Bush having to get a visa to enter the country. If Homeland Security does even a half-assed job, we should never have to see either one of them again."

What could possibly be wrong with that?

One of the more to-the-point comments made with regard to the post at The Last Chance Democracy Cafe came from "bettysdad," who said:

"I'm greatly looking forward to Texas seceding.

"After the paperwork is done, the US should go in and seize or destroy everything in Texas built by the Feds.

"Aided by the US, Mexico should invade Texas to reclaims it's [sic] stolen property.

"Then, Texas will be 'illegal aliens,' and will be dealt with appropriately."


Oh, and as The Last Chance Democracy Cafe suggests to Texas, "Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!"


Koppelman here. Last Chance Democracy Cafe here.

The secession of the blue states

From my good friend, Bob Poris.

Dear Red States:

If you manage to steal this election too, we’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss. We get 85% of America ’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their childrens' caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95% of America’s quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite too, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.

Finally, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico .

Peace out,
Blue States