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God's got your back according to GOD TV

[Cartoon from here.]

If you are one of those folks living with relatives because you lost your house to foreclosure after you lost your job, then we've got good news for you. If you're one of those people who got fired from a long-time position and you can no longer pay the bills or buy groceries and are standing in a bread line at a Lutheran church in Florida, we've got good news for you, too.

God's got your back.

At least that's what GOD TV is preaching. Jeffrey Levinson of GOD TV wants you to know that "As budgets tighten, job security is threatened and the world continues to reel in the face of economic meltdown, GOD TV offers a powerful message of hope this month encouraging viewers to trust God more than ever before for their provision, tackle money problems head on and live free from fear."

Powerful message!

GOD TV is featuring those giants of financial wisdom, "Rory and Wendy Alec who interview global economist, Dr. Larry Bates on their series, 'Apocalypse and the End-Times.'" Dr. Bates, you should know, "is an international authority on financial markets." He's going to tell you how to "weather financial storms and keep [your] assets safe."

Hmmm. But I'm drowning and my ass is sinking, and I've got no assets.

Well, then, you need to hear this message of "hope" from Rory Alec:

"We are not governed by the world's economy, but by God's economy. Jehovah Jireh is still our provider and He will never fail us! The economic meltdown is not something that has caught God by surprise, and so I encourage viewers to tune in and watch our special financial programming because the Lord has a plan to see His peopole come through these difficult times."

Oh, yeah. Send money.


Sheesh. If God saw it coming and now plans to do something about it, why the hell didn't he do something to stop it in the first place? What's he gonna say to all those folks who committed suicide when they step up to his heavenly throne and ask what the hell he was thinking?

Maybe you ought to sacrifice a chicken instead.

h/t on cartoon here.